About Chance

Let’s Reach Your Goals Together

I have been inspired by many colleagues and writers/analysts throughout my development. My first mentor, Al Casale, is a brilliant, thoughtful, and alive person. I look back on our
conversations and realize that so many times what and how he shared what he shared with me had set seedlings that grew into roots as I went on to learn and explore. I eventually found my way to D. Michael Louderback. He, too, had a way of experiencing the world and describing it that I found to be remarkably opening for me. I felt myself be frustrated and confused, eventually growing into clarity and opening. I could not do this alone. I could not open in isolation – for in isolation we do not open. Often, it is in isolation that we are broken; obliviated into a mindlessness. We become consumed by our own internal worlds in isolation. We need people in our lives. I have often written “we are hurt in relationship, and only through relationship can we be healed.” These healing conversations must be on the same level as the patient. They must be from a place of experiencing what has happened, and what is happening. Al and Michael have taught me what it is like to be in the experience of the patient by being with me in my experience as well. Of course, I also have my own work as a patient to credit – as I could not take any of my people deeper than I have myself gone. As I write about my mentors, I realize that of course they impacted me in the way they did. This is what people need – to open to experience. It takes courage, bravery, tolerance, and endurance. It takes tremendous strength, will, and patience to do so. All of the books I read are often trying hard to explain, describe, and convey something human. I find it humorously painful that we as therapists/people try so hard to do what is often: 1) intuitive on some level, and 2) traversed and almost always done better by poets.

This work can open us up. A horrifying yet beautiful quote from M.Eigen is that “love is not safe, it is a force that breaks us open.” I greatly enjoy Michael Eigen – I have found his work to be opening into ways of experiencing this work and living life alive. I have found that in the process of opening, there are of course forces that want to keep us closed up. Safe, sound,
unchallenged; cocooned. There is pain in opening; it is such a frightening thing to open
ourselves up to the world. What if we break? What happens if the opening is not what we had
hoped for, fantasized about?

But the inspiration of these mentors of mine demonstrates this; it can be done. In so doing, or
rather, being, we feel. I have been moved by this work. I have been moved to experience and
see the world in ways that before I had never imagined. Opening moves us to experience the
feelings that come up in us and to soften to them. Much in this world requires us to harden
ourselves to the experience to avoid pain, understandably so. However, perhaps what is needed is the strengthening of ourselves in our soft places; to find firmer ground within which to plunge our roots down as deep as we can throughout our lives to have an opportunity to experience so many shades of this world’s colors. In that moment, time and time again, forging the courage to blossom and be with the ever-changing places of the world.

M. Eigen says that he orients himself to hold ordinary conversations with others, aimed at
opening to fields of experience. This is another aspect of what I feel my mentors and analysts I am drawn to share in common. Not just in the patient but in myself as a therapist. I feel that
early on, I tried so hard to say something profound, moving, groundbreaking, etc. I not only felt that pressure on myself, but I imagine the patient feels that pressure as well. To move, to do something; that time is ticking by and there is “nothing” to show for it. With the pressure to move and break, I can imagine that it feels a lot like a threat from Zeus. Or, of a parent trying so hard to help a child when in reality the parent is only transferring the pressure back and forth between themselves and the infant.

I think ordinary conversations are more healing – more genuine. What is challenging though is how to have ordinary conversations about what feels to be extraordinary. There is a disconnect at times (from the way I see it) about what is ordinary. Also, ordinary (I think) sounds boring at first. An ordinary day – nothing exciting to talk about. But, if we pay attention, the ordinary is where we live. We of course need excitement, but does excitement not also come out of the ordinary? Can we not explore and play with moments in the ordinary to find in ourselves something extraordinary? There is a quote that I enjoy from an old samurai, Musashi. “There is nothing that can make you better, faster, stronger, smarter. Everything is within.” I find that this highlights closely what I am getting at. Experiencing, feeling, exploring; Be-ing, is all inside of us. Not in exclusion of the outside world but in relation to it. Not in exclusion to others in our lives but in the presence of them. We, as people, are extraordinary in the ordinary.

 I honed my skills through an internship at Pacific Mental Health and completed 3,000 hours of practice to earn my license. Throughout my journey, I have been drawn to psychoanalytical theorists like Jung, Freud, Bion, Winnicott, and Klein, appreciating their insights into the complexities of human dynamics and the importance of compassion in therapy.

Continuing to deepen my understanding of the human experience is a personal mission for me. I collaborate with other professionals in the Psychotherapeutic community, constantly learning and growing. Beyond my professional life, I find joy in outdoor activities like hiking, cooking, and reading. I also embrace physical fitness through weightlifting and combat-type sports. Additionally, the art of making coffee and spending time with loved ones brings me fulfillment.

When you work with me, you can expect a counselor who is knowledgeable, compassionate, and dedicated to your well-being. Together, we will navigate the intricacies of your experiences and create a supportive environment for your growth and healing. Take the courageous step towards a better tomorrow by seeking out psychotherapy with me.